But what about the violence that takes place behind closed doors? Unfortunately, there was plenty of that growing up. But at least the so-called "public" space, my community was a protection zone that spanned as far as my young life could appreciate.

With few exceptions, I cannot think of anyone that even swore. You weren't accosted by drunks or aggressive people, there were no brawls on the weekend. You could move anywhere in the public as a woman, as a child, as a disabled person or an elderly person. We knew the rules, whether it as at events, on the streets, in the school yard, actually everywhere people met … And best of all, they have been largely preserved.

If someone was lying on the ground in an altercation, they were not brutally kicked in the head. People actually even has something like respect for police officers and whoever dared to resist arrest or intentionally hurt them quickly regretted that, too.

What I am saying is that anyone who was attacked in the public could expect help, I would not rely on that today and, even worse, I would also not advise anyone in good conscience to provide help because every day there are reports of people who only wanted to help. And they themselves become the victims of brutal violence.

Those inhibitory thresholds I spoke about have started to, if not entirely disappeared for some, the courts are overloaded and if even police officers are afraid for life and limb, everyone should consider whether they risk serious injuries or worse if when the various groups engage in unrestrained violence. They used to be simply called "criminals." But seriously we as a nation have gone beyond that haven't we? In the US we have problems, but above all we have a huge problem with violence. One which runs through all strata, age groups and areas and a new form of brutality and inhibition is spreading, which frightens me and which particularly affects the weaker.

It meets children, women, the elderly, frail people, animals, but it meets all of us; though it prefers the weaker, which are an easy target and the people who want to help them.

I do not want to go into where the increasing violence comes from, it has long been glossed over in statistics, but in the meantime the figures speak for themselves, and it must be clear that the number of uncommon cases is unevenly higher and frighteningly high. These are crimes against citizens. Animal cruelty is not even included in most statistics. War is now raging out there, and few, mostly rural areas, have so far been spared. Those safe spaces I spoke of earlier are now our safe havens.

But we're catching up fast right now.

I was still taught to resolve conflicts peacefully, I learned to dance and paint in my spare time but I would have preferred to have spent that time studying martial arts, shooting or other options of self-defense. It never seemed necessary, our lives were different before social values shifted, education shifted, family became a marginal – only on weekends type of thing – borders opened; the judiciary system has become weak. This allows things to became normal that would once have led to an outcry in all the media before. Violence is now more of a side note, too much of it in too many places.

So those who have children, animals, old people or other vulnerable … Maybe yourself too … Those who want to be able to defend themselves and others today feel defenseless and stunned. Times have changed, our society has changed, our whole country has changed.

I think it's time to teach our kids to adjust to these changes … They need to learn to defend themselves and others when it matters, and from an early age.

Most martial arts not only convey discipline and values, but also enable effective defense when the worst are actually coming. They also allow women to effectively counter, teach how to disarm and avoid injury in falls. Exactly what our children need right now when traveling alone, on their way to school, in the city or in the evening. At some schools, they already need it on the playground.

Peace and Love, the message of my generation is unfortunately only lived by a minority.

In addition to love and a good education, give your children the chance of self-defense and protection. If they want to protect themselves and others, then they need to learn how to do that.

I never thought we would have to think about things like that, not today in 2019. But we should when we care for our children

Tolerance overcomes borders, true, but society needs to defend it itself: It must prevent the intolerants from exploiting the tolerant society to turn it into its opposite.

Sure all babies are exhausting. It is part of nurturing a newborn. Still, some are a bit more strenuous than just exhausting. There are children who demand more than others: more attention, more closeness, more time, to be carried. They seem to need a little more of everything – except for sleep. This is why they are also called high-need or 24-hour a day babies by some.

Like with most things related to children everything is a phase.

One thing that I feel when it comes to high need babies is that there just seems to be so many more of them now than many years ago when I was raising my children. Which brought me to ask the question: Are high need babies just a trend?

Many of the women now who have told me that their children are high need do not seem to know what high need actually is. Many of these babies would have been categorized as normal when I was young.

Some are ideal for beginners while others require a steeper learning curve for new parents.

What I would like to make very clear is that high need babies are completely normal, healthy children!

The term "high need" is not a medically recognized term, it does not contain a diagnosis. And it does not have the same negative connotation as "high maintenance" does. These are simply the personality traits of babies and children that demand a lot. The term "high need" was coined by the American pediatrician Dr. William Sears. The Illinois physician has eight children of his own. One of them: a child with great needs. He has created twelve points to help parents better assess whether their own child is a child with special needs:

1. The baby cries intensely and loudly: High-need babies seem to cry louder and more intensely than babies of the same age. They demand intensive care – from their parents. But these children are also "intense" in all their beings and their emotions. The positive side: Even when they play, laugh and explore their surroundings, they do so with a lot of energy.
2. The baby is hyperactive: These babies do not suffer from ADHD, but they are extremely active (mentally and physically) and restless little onea. Often they have a high muscle tone, their posture is tense.
3. The baby requires its parents: High need babies demand their parents – and rob them of any energy. If their needs are not quickly met, they increase their displeasure and are even harder to satisfy.
4. The baby wants to be fed constantly: High Need babies have a great need for suction. They love the closeness to mommy's chest, where they can not only satisfy their hunger, but also feel completely safe and cared for. According to Sears, these children allow themselves a lot of time while drinking to enjoy the closeness with mom for as long as possible.
5. The baby is very demanding: these babies demand a lot from their parents: closeness, wearing, breastfeeding. And if they don't get what they want, they'll make it clear. Loud and clear. Patience and waiting are strange words for the high need baby. The positive aspect: Parents learn quickly to assess their baby and its needs in children with this personality. This will also be a great help in all the years to come!
6. The baby wakes up all the time: sleeping and sleeping through – these babies don't have it at all. They fall asleep poorly, wake up frequently and need little sleep overall. This is due to the fact that they have fine antennae and perceive everything around them above average. It's best to fall asleep when mom or dad are with them.
7. The baby is often dissatisfied: No matter what the parents do, the baby appears dissatisfied. The grueling challenge for parents every day is to find out what the baby wants and how to meet their needs.
8. The baby is unpredictable in its behavior: With High Need babies, preferences change quickly: What was still a lot of fun yesterday leads to a lot of tears and shouting today. Parents struggle to adapt to their child's rapidly changing moods. The positive side of the strong mood swings is that these babies can also be in an extremely good mood.
9. The baby is very sensitive: In these children, the irritant threshold is very low. The smallest noises are enough to disturb the delicate sleep. Otherwise, the baby is also very sensitive to his surroundings. These children don't like a foreign environment and people who don't know it.
10. The baby cannot be put down: the baby does not like to be sat down! It is best to wear it without interruption.
11. The baby can't calm itself down: Most babies learn to calm themselves down and fall asleep relatively early. High need babies find this difficult; they need the help of parents to calm down and fall sleep. In contrast to other babies, a music box or pacifier is usually not enough.
12. The baby makes it clear that separations are difficult for them: separations from the parents are quite dramatic for these children. They alienate strongly and the acclimatization to the daycare often runs problematic.

What I have realized from others is that the experiences that parents make when they have a high need baby have is similar: they feel foreign-controlled because they don't get anything done on bad days save to take care of their demanding baby. They are constantly at the limit and feel isolated because they can only participate in social life to a limited extent.

Knowing that you have a high need baby makes life with it easier. While we didn't have the term when my son was born it was still evident. And they came with the same needs that they do now, and there were and are also plenty of tips you can use to help your baby (and thus the whole family).

You will learn a lot from one another and one thing is clear: life with a high need baby is guaranteed to not be boring! Dr. William Sears's consolation for concerned parents is: "It's a phase that will end." It is also a chance for your child to develop. For those of you who worry about how they will turn out, rest assured that they will be fine.

Our son turned out to be a wonderfully sweet considerate young man. Though that comes from his slightly biassed mother.

What I learned was that hair loss after pregnancy is no reason to despair. Though I didn't know it at the time and I was freaking out. My horror vision was running around doing errands pushing a baby carriage with a bald head.

It was horrible.

Hair everywhere: In the brush, in the seep in the shower, on the carpet, on the pillow, couch, anywhere hair collects really. And it felt like my hair was getting patchy. Today I can't really say that that was accurate, though it felt like that at that time. Many women complain that they lose hair after birth and – understandably – react with worry and panic. Our society does not accept bald ladies.

One thing I want to make clear right from the start: there is no reason to worry. The so-called postpartum effluvium (increased hair loss after birth) is completely normal and easy to explain.

However, unpleasant it does happen.

Why do mothers suffer from hair loss?

Actually it is pretty unfair: In addition to the pregnancy stretch marks and bags under the eyes due to sleep deprivation, there is also increased hair loss. And this is just another stress inducer for freshly baked moms who are pretty easy to upset anyway. Add to that we simply can't find time for our beauty programs! The reason for the hair loss is relatively simple – and like so many changes during and after pregnancy, the hormones are due:

In pregnancy, the estrogen boost produces more hair than usual in the growth phase.

After birth, the estrogen level suddenly drops – and the body sends the hair from the growth phase to the resting phase, during which it will remain standing for some time. And after about three months, these hairs, which are "delayed" thanks to the pregnancy, then fall out.

By the way: Hair loss after pregnancy has absolutely nothing to do with breastfeeding!

What helps with hair loss after pregnancy?

Sadly nothing really. It isn't a loss, but a return to normal standards. So keep your fingers away from shampoos that advertise increased hair growth. In practice, only one thing helps: patience.

Make sure you eat healthily and take enough vitamins and minerals which is good not only now in your life, good for the breast fed baby, but good to keep you healthy.

Stop looking at everything as stress inducing; Instead enjoy the new happiness with your baby! After nine months to one year, the problem resolve by itself. Women with longer hair you will notice the increase in hair growth at the hairline – it is a sign: Your hair growth is normalizing again.

What to do if hair loss persists?

Can it persist?

If, nine months after birth, you still feel that your hair loss is not improving significantly, you should contact your gynecologist about the problem or consult a dermatologist. At this point the body should have corrected itself and returned to balance. They will investigate whether you suffer from a protein, vitamin, zinc or iron deficiency due to pregnancy and lactation. A nutrient deficit can be easily remedied – and fortunately a serious illness is almost never the case.

It is a reward for most mothers to watch their children flourish and grow, mastering each of the challenges that they were presented with.

Soon my husband and I will be expected to master our own new set of challenges … In the not too distant future I will become a grandmother. Wow. That is still a lot to process. And honestly, thought I know what it takes to become a parent, to nurture a baby, and to raise a family it still feels like an unknown that is situated right there in the middle of the road.

When I was pregnant with my daughter (the mother in waiting) it was a lot of stress for me. For one I was really there alone. My mother had passed away sometime before so that was one support that just wasn't there, one that I could have really used. One that would have been in the position to council me and provide me with advice. The same was said for my mother who also lost my grandmother before I was born.

The closest adult female relatives that I could reach out to was my aunt from my mother's side who never married and thus never had children. My sister was too young at that time, just finishing her freshman year in high school.

While she was a major help and support to me during that time she had the same amount of experience as I did and that was zero. Jump forward six months after our daughter was born, between my husband and I along with much needed support from Elizabeth we made it through alright. But still, the thought of having a baby with the support of my mother always meant a great deal to me. It was as if a piece of the experience was missing. Though my aunt made an absolutely loving grandma for my kids!

Now we are gearing up for my daughter's child. She and her best friend are in the process of preparing for the baby shower. Which I was specifically instructed to leave up to them. It is nice that they are having so much fun and for me, being as traditional as I am at times would have turned down and offers to host.

While friends have informed me that it is no longer so strict when it comes to hosting a shower it would have

I got to help select the invitations for my daughter's baby shower. And it was so delightful to see how many choices you have have today when you look. This one will be neutral in that my daughter and son-in-law do not know the gender of the child, choosing to be surprised when they are born.

For me there was never a baby shower and I will admit that we knew the gender in advance. The ability to detect the baby's gender via ultra sound had started in the early 80's but it wasn't common practice until a few years later. That realization makes me sort of sentimental, the ability to know the baby's gender really isn't that new as you can see, however, it is also not that old either. When you look at the length of time we have been able to predict a baby's gender to the time before … Well there were a lot of surprised parents is all I can say.

Growing up you feel like time never progresses. Then as you grow up and realize how fast it really is. When my children were small you could almost watch them grow by the day, then one day they themselves were adults. I can clearly remember my daughter's wedding three years ago. It almost feels like yesterday.

Time is a funny things isn't it?

I am sorry that this got so sentimental, as you may have noticed this is a really exciting time for us.

There are a few things in our house that work so well as our way of dealing with negative experiences and always looking at the other side of the situation. Positively and unemotionally. Our authenticity plays an important role in that aspect. Some Danes probably wouldn't describe themselves that way, but the approach in the broadest sense is Danish. And it appears to be something that is strongly ingrained in their society.

Danish psychotherapist Iben Dissing Sandahl summed up the Danes' secret of happiness to six basic principles of Danish education.

The two authors (Jessica Joelle Alexander is an American columnist and mother, she has a Danish husband; Iben Dissing Sandahl is a psychotherapist and family counselor who lives near Copenhagen) sum up the educational secrets of the Danes in the form of six principles: P.A.R.E.N.T.. The formula stands for:

1. P is for Play
2. A is for Authenticity
3. R is for Reframing
4. E is for Empathy
5. N is No Ultimatums
6. T is for Togetherness and Hygge
   • Hygge is Danish for cozy

This means that free play, in which the children are left to their own devices, is important! Here we place a lot of emphasis and ambition in education: we want our children to be at the forefront everywhere. We are happy if you can count already in kindergarten. We are happy to make sure that they do something "meaningful" in the afternoons, that we develop after school programs. Swimming, gymnastics, music, sports, or early research. Free play is not on the timetable when we plan for our children. The Danes do it differently: they are very much in the running for "old-fashioned games", in which children of different ages come together to let their imagination and creativity run wild. Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl explain: "We mean a 'play' in which the children – alone or with a friend – are left to their own devices and play exactly as they want and as long as they want." Danish parents get less involved and push their children less to learn certain things. Children can and should have their own experiences. It allows them to develop into the adults that they truly want to become.

The approach, based on the P.A.R.E.N.T. formula, not only helps to ensure happy children, but also more relaxed parents. The examples all come from real life, and it is easy to understand how you can implement them at home and integrate your own family life. When I read the book, it became clear that we, as parents, intuitively do a lot of things quite right already but we also suppress things that would develop happier healthier members of society. The knowledge of cause and effect encourages us to implement these principles much more often. You don't have to do everything differently overnight – you just have to shift the focus a little bit.